There is some good news and some bad newsMy Gosh! I have just got back from the hospital, where the doctor told me it was one of those good news bad news situations. This how it went:
Doctor: Perhaps you would like to sit down. That's great. As you know, we have been in surgery for the past thirty-six hours. I must say that your husband has a remarkably thick scull.
Me: My god! It took you thirty-six hours to get inside his head?
Doctor: No, no. Though it took much longer to get in than usual, that is not what took the time. In fact, the fall did not even penetrate his scull, the brain pan was virtually untouched.
Me: Not even that twelfth step? He sommersaulted onto that!
Doctor: The lack of internal damage to his body was remarkable but not the most surprising thing we found inside his scull. What would you say if I told you that most of your husband's mind had been replaced with a turnip. A pristine, shiny turnip!
Me: Are there some hidden cameras somehwere around here? Is this like one of those TV shows where someone jumps out with a microphone?
Doctor: I am afraid not. Your husband was cogitating with a turnip. It seems that it had been displacing his brain through his nose as it grew. I have stunning sketchy black and white video footage which I intend to set to the Ride of the Valkyries. Like that Welsh boxer the other day, I have had my career defining moment. Also like him, someone had to be hideously damaged for me to go forward.
Me: Could this explain that strange double life he had been leading? Factory worker by day, roaming the internet by night.
Doctor: He sounds like Neo from Matrix. But without all the PVC and technobabble.
Me: No, he has the PVC, too. His PC is so full of smut it needs three hard-drives. I haven't been so ashamed since he met my mother. Is he going to pull through?
Doctor: It is hard to say. We have removed the turnip and donated it to charity. The remaining brain matter may or may not be able to support his body.
Me: What is the good news, then?
Doctor: He may just have little enough brain power to be romantic, if he ever wakes up again.